Hey there people. If you’ve found this blog you either meant to come here because you are a Geekvenger or you stumbled upon this accidentally. Like in those horror movies where they find Ted’s head in the toilet? Someone screams and yells, “MY GOD, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! LET’S GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE?!”
No one ever does that though. They all stay and die terribly, except the pretty white girl. You’ll stay and read. I promise not to kill you. The judge was very specific on that. I do promise to entertain you and educate you on some more nerdtastic things. Today’s subject?
Intros. Yes, intros. You know, the beginning part of your favorite television show before the credits and all the awesome happens? Perhaps you are one of those poor saps who likes reality television or some other shitty program that doesn’t have an awesome introduction monologue or song. I weep for you. I weep for humanity. My salty tears are crying tears of their own. There is going to be video! Pictures! Awesome! I know my audience. Who wants to read a lot of stupid words?
Why do I feel that intros are important? Well, for one, a good introduction can tell you the backstory of the show’s main protagonist. Gives you a little history and adds some meat to the show. It helps new viewers figure out what the deal is!
Like, for example…..
See, now you know that their Pretender ran away! He must have hated pizza day in the cafeteria. Shame that he couldn’t pretend to have a good haircut. Also a shame that this assnugget makes you watch this video on Youtube. Anyway, we continue!
Intros can tell the tragic tale of how the character you are supposed to care about came to be in the predicament or shape that they are currently in. Like my man Steve Austin! No, not that Steve Austin, this Steve Austin….
Yeah, you’re doing the NANANANANANANANANANANA now, aren’t you? Don’t lie. For my generation of geeks and nerds, Six Million Dollar Man was the fucking business. If you disagree, you’re wrong, so shut-up.
Sometimes, a show intro just basically tells you exactly what you are going to get in every episode of the show. It keeps things simple. This is usually reserved for one trick shows that don’t involve a lot of depth, character development, or class. Some of my favorite television! Liiiiiiiiiike…..
Did anyone else get a boner? No? Well, this is awkward. Inappropriate boners aside, I know you started singing along to the theme song. You couldn’t help it. It’s in your DNA.
Ok, do you have a boner now? No? Come on! You guys are making me feel weird here. How can this hook not get you?
Both of these shows weren’t deep. They jumped a shit ton of cars and crashed even more. Bo, Luke, and Michael bedded women, drank, fought, and had an unhealthy and questionable relationship with their cars.
Many times intros are used to trick you. Make you think you are watching something serious and amazing and in reality you’re getting something cheesy and fluffy.
HOW DARE YOU CALL HERCULES CHEESY AND FLUFFY?!!!! MAY ZEUS SMITE YOUR PANTS!!!!!
By the awesome voice-over, you’d think this show was serious. There wasn’t a serious bone in this show’s body and we liked it! I watched every episode and think Kevin Sorbo is
dreamy cool. Hercules led toooooo….yes, you know where I’m going……
Now I know you have a boner!!! Ladies, you too. Cause Xena is so bad ass she can give women boners. I am slightly disturbed at the large amount of Xena and Gabrielle lesbian love scene tributes I had to dig through to find a good intro video, but these are the sacrifices I make to bring you folks hilarity and shenanigans. It was hard, but I survived.
Science fiction has always lent itself to really fucking awesome introduction sequences. Nerds like bad ass themes and music to go with their lasers, space fights, alien tentacles, and Prime Directive rule breaking!
FUCK THE PRIME DIRECTIVE!!!! THAT SHIT IS FOR PUSSIES! BRING ON THEM GREEN BITCHES!!!! – Capt. Kirk
Claudia Christian, call me!
Finally, we get down to the really good shit. The intros that give you goosebumps and make your knees weak. These are my favorites. They usually occur after the opening scene of the episode, right after you’ve said, “WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK?!” and taken another
bong hit bite of your sandwich. Yes, we’re going there. Two of the best ever at this are…….
The baddest ass show in the history of television. You can disagree, but you are wrong, and
you can eat a bag of dicks we can agree to disagree. This show is so deep, thought provoking, funny, heartfelt, and on the cutting edge of awesome! So awesome in fact that they actually change the intro sometimes based on the episode you are about to watch! Such as….
My eyes are crying happiness. One of the coolest ever! A retro, 1980’s style opening?!!! FUCK YEAH!!! NOSTALGIA, BITCH!!!!
and my personal favorite…..
If you aren’t immediately googling Fringe right now and trying to find where you can watch episodes online or buy the DVDs then you are dead inside and I can no longer help you.
Now, even though Fringe is my favorite, I would be remiss if I did not put everyone else’s favorite intro in this blog.
Believe……the truth is out there….
The best quality one I could find that wasn’t based on Mulder and Scully fan fiction/porn. Maybe it was the fact that I was incredibly high while I watched this show, but I remember it fondly as one of my 3 favorites ever and I have to say that the opening prologue and title sequence really got me pumped and into what I was watching. Both Fringe and the X-Files are complete immaculate perfection that I leave you with something wonderful…a mashup!
What are some of your favorite title sequences and intros? Let us know at The Geekvengers! Don’t be shy, we don’t bite.
We nerd, we geek, we give you what you seek.